How To Create A Meditation Routine That Sticks
Meditation is a wonderful tool for creating a sense of calm and presence in our life. It is the training ground where we learn how to remain present also through difficult or challenging situations.
The research on the benefits of meditation is vast and while it may not be the tool for everyone and in fact not be the right thing to do for some, it is recommendable for most.
But that doesn’t mean it is easy to do, right!?
Gosh!
Let’s get real!
How hard can it be to sit down and meditate every day or even a few times a week?
Creating a new habit is one thing but something that is maybe new for us or hard and simply strange is definitely easier said than done.
Especially when meditation is hard for you.
And it can be.
The world we live in cherishes doing doing doing and rush rush rush over calm.
We are simply not used to sitting down and not doing anything.
It can make you feel uncomfortable! Even icky! Maybe your muscles twitch.
But there is something else, too.
With all the wonderful inventions around us, we barely ever spend any time on our own.
And it might be confronting to spend time just with yourself!
I get it.
That is why I am sharing with you a few absolute foundational things to do BEFORE you even start sitting down on a regular basis. I first want to introduce you to the groundwork you need to do before taking the action.
Let’s get into it.
Explore what has been keeping you away from sticking to meditation
You may have already tried before to create a meditation routine and it didn’t work. Take a moment here. Because this is very important. You don’t want to do the same thing again because as Albert Einstein taught us: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity.” Okay yes, it’s a liiiitle harsh, but you know what I mean. If it hasn’t worked before, there is little point in doing the same thing again - without doing the next steps at least.
Are there any limiting beliefs or fears around the meditation routine?
Explore your own beliefs that you have around meditation or your own relationship to it. Find out what you deeply believe here. Do you actually subconsciously think that meditation is not going to benefit you? Do you believe that you actually don’t have the time for it? And don’t rush over this point. Take your time to slow down and think about it. You can also ask yourself: what do I fear would happen if I meditated daily? This is a VERY potent question, so if your immediate answer is “nothing - I fear nothing”, then slow down again. And ask yourself again. Drop into your body and connect with your deeper self - not just the “smart/intelligent” brain. When you find any limiting beliefs, make sure to be utterly and utmost kind with them. Don’t punish yourself for having them and don’t judge them for being there. They are there for a reason and they are a part of you. Always meet them with love and compassion.
Find a way to believe and trust in meditation and that a meditation routine is fruitful
In relation to the previous point, trusting in meditation and having faith is very crucial. Why? Well, if you subconsciously don’t have faith in it, it is going to be you against your subconscious. And your subconscious runs your life most of the time – depending on how awoke you are or how much you master your thoughts and how much deconditioning work you have done. Your subconscious runs about 95% of your day. If your subconscious has no trust or faith in meditation – it will do everything to keep you from it. From throwing unexpected baskets with laundry your way, making run time faster, and coming with all sorts of creative (if not very helpful ways) to keep you in your familiar zone.
Find inspiration in people who have the meditation routine you want and keep them visible
A beautiful way to cultivate trust and faith is by finding people who have what you want. And don’t make them celebrities, but people in your circle, people you follow on social media who are relatable… Someone where you have the sense that you at least to some degree feel that you can have what they have - it appears reachable. Keep these people visible and surround yourself with them. This is to let the message that the meditation routine you desire is actually possible drip drop by drop into your subconscious.
Find proof in your own life that routine is actually possible
I know, I know, you haven’t even yet started thinking about the meditation and I haven’t suggested to you yet to buy a new pretty meditation cushion, but bear with me. This work is going to be really powerful for you - and not only fo your meditation routine but for other areas in your life, too. A process of this kind is applicable to ANYTHING you want. And it is paramount that you - before you start creating Pinterest vision board - actually believe with every fibre of your soul that it is possible to achieve what you want. Okay? Good.
So, try to find more proof in your own life (the inspirational folks are all outside yourself) that whatever limiting belief came up in the step above can be overhauled. For example, do you deep down fear that “when you spend meditating you have less time to play with your kids?”. Then have a think about how something else is true. For example - you may explore your memory to find evidence that ACTUALLY the time you spend with your kids is a lot deeper and more meaningful when you feel grounded and calm and present. (Instead of maybe on your phone or being distracted).
Get super clear on WHY you want the meditation routine
Now, the fun-fun begins - but don’t go to Lululemon just yet! First, you want to figure our what EXACTLY YOU WANT TO GAIN from meditation. Be crystal clear on what it is you want. Create the vision. What do you want your life to look like when you have that meditation routine. And most importantly: how do you want to FEEL when you have that meditation routine? Take some time to explore this. See if you can already feel a glimpse of that sensation now. Who do you want to be when you have the meditation routine? How is your life going to be different? What’s the ideal scenario for your meditation routine. Be super duper clear on this. And then get excited! Because by this time, you know and trust deep, deep down that you CAN have all of this. You can journal this, talk about it with a friend, make a Pinterest vision board, go for a walk and make a voice recording on anything that comes up around this.
Drop into your intuition
But let me be transparent and share this with you: I have a meditation routine. I meditate daily. Once or twice. For me, it is a lifestyle. I breathe consciously several times a day. I savour and bathe in the present whenever I can and certainly more than I used to. BUT (!) I did not set out to make this a routine. I didn’t plan on having a routine. One day, I woke up in the morning and I felt slightly icky. I knew I needed to move and stretch and wake up my body and mind in a gentle way. So, I did a mini-yoga routine off a cartoon strip that used a bunny as a yogi! The next day I thought, “yesterday, I felt really great. I will do this again”. I decided again, every day, that I will do this yoga routine again. I could feel that this is what my heart and body needed. I decided over and over again. A few months later, I added meditation. 3 minutes. Every day, I felt I needed it. (I had been to meditation silence retreats and had been practising aware breathing for years, but I didn’t have an actual meditation routine.) And by dropping in every day and feeling that my body and mind and soul craved this - I gave it to them (and myself). This is how my meditation routine started. Really small and based on what my mind and body needed.
Decide and commit whole-heartedly to your meditation routine
But if you already know that you want this to be a daily routine, then, my friend, you have to fully commit. And I am talking full-on commitment. And I know that my fellow Enneagram 7’s out there will find this hard - but that is why you did the pre-work. What does it mean for you to fully commit? Make yourself a promise. One big one now and a small one every day, to keep going. But you don’t need to look ahead to 5 years down the line and get itchy about the thought to meditate until then. That’s not what this is about. The meditation is for you right now. And remember the question “Who do I want to be when I have a meditation routine?” Think about it – what does someone who meditates every day do? They meditate every day! The work begins now. Take it day by day. Don’t overwhelm yourself. But make a decision. A decision and the clarity and certainty that come with this are extremely powerful for your mind and it will make it easier to follow through. No wishy-washy. No half-cooked meditation cushions. Be all in. If this is extremely hard for you, ask yourself: Why do I find it hard to commit? Eg. Do I have a scarcity mindset around time? Do I actually think that I cannot gain anything from this and I don't see the point? Explore. Go back to “Are there any limiting beliefs or fears around the meditation routine?” And ask yourself again: What am I afraid will happen when I commit to meditation daily?
Pretend you already have the meditation routine
Now, if you really want to follow through with this, feel the meditation routine in.your.bones. Feel it now. Live it. Sense it. Above you explored what you want the life then to look and feel like. Put yourself in that energy now. From this space, it will be a lot more organic and natural to actually take the action – because you already have it within. Embody it now. What does it feel like to be a person with a meditation routine?
Prepare for distractions
You remember how you tried meditation before and it didn’t quite work out? Now is the time to see this knowledge as a fantastic resource. What do you already know may get in your way? What may become an obstacle between you and your new meditation routine? And then make a plan on how to work with that. You don’t need to wait for the limiting thought to come up again or for your partner to get up at the same time which leaves you with no quiet space. Plan ahead and commit. What will you do when X comes in your way? What will you do in that instance to still keep up your meditation and stay in your momentum?
Take inspired, positive & surrendered action
And now, you get cooking and meditating. It’s been a long way until here, I know. But you asked and I delivered – if you have found it hard so far to meditate, this is a very powerful process to use. Now, you can take the actual action and explore what’s actually possible for you. Get creative! Remember that you don’t want to simply repeat what you have done so far because that didn’t work.
Tips for taking the action:
Find a guided meditation (teacher) you LOVE
To keep you inspired and excited about the meditation routine, it is important to make it fun! So, find a teacher or a type of meditation you LOVE.
Try out different meditation styles
There are so many different kinds, from walking meditation to sitting and standing, to visualisations, to looking at a wall… There are guided meditations and apps for meditation or you can do it all on your own. My favourite ones are insight meditation (Vipassana), mindfulness meditation and loving kindness meditation (metta).
Create a habit
To create a habit, you preferably have a trigger, a supportive environment and a reward. Can you set up a meditation nook at home? Can you attach your routine to an existing one? For example, “every day after brushing my teeth, I meditate for 2 minutes”. And what will be the reward for doing the meditation every day or daily for a week? The effect of the meditation itself may be reward enough for you – otherwise, how about a yum smoothie?
Set boundaries
Create boundaries to create the time & space for your meditation routine. This is really important. You want to create the environment you need for your new routine.
Make it a ritual
A routine may quickly turn you off, but by turning your meditation routine into a ritual, you can make it so much more special and enjoyable.
Keep the vision you have of your life as a regular meditator visible
This can be by looking at your Pinterest board or crafting a collage or putting up pictures.
Keep it small and simple
You don’t need to commit to anything big – unless this is what you desire. But you can meditate for 2 minutes at a time, while you are waiting at the red light, while you are standing in line. There is no limitation to this.
Focus on aware breathing
This is harder than it sounds, but it takes some of the pressure of meditation away. At any given moment during your day, when you become aware and present, you can focus on your breath for as long as you like without even closing your eyes. There are many beautiful breathing exercises that have very beneficial effects like meditation.
Find an accountability partner
Find a friend who wants to join you or hire a life coach. A life coach is there to help you accountable but they/I can also help you work through the inner discovery phases.
Explore apps & online communities
There are a lot of apps out there. You can ask your friends for recommendations, join forums or even ask on your social media if someone can recommend something. Even long-standing experts like Jack Kornfield or Deepak Chopra have their own apps. I personally use InsightTimer.
Join local groups
Creating a routine can be strongly supported by joining people who do the same thing in real life. Maybe there is a meetup group in your area, a yoga studio that offers meditation, or similar!
Join a longer meditation retreat
This can be a challenging but also very fun and transformative experience. Joining a meditation retreat functions as a bootcamp of habit creation, plus, you learn the skill.
Self-compassion
Remember to be always kind with yourself, your inner critic and your ego – they simply want to be seen and they will do anything to keep you in the familiar zone. it's.their.job. That's all. Thank them. Don't punish yourself or criticise your inner critic - it doesn't work.
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photo credit: Imani Bahati
