What To Do When You Have A Self-Doubt Day

Every now and again it happens that a day finds its way into your life that makes you feel just a little strange.

Even when you are genuinely on a good run and things seem to be working out for you, sometimes you just have this day when you start to doubt everything.

You doubt what you are doing, your skills, where all of this is going.

Does any of that sounds familiar?

I thought so. But you know what? It is totally okay.

I am there on a pretty regular basis and I am going to tell you a little bit more about that in one of the last few points in this post.

The good news is that there are things that you can do to deal with such a situation and I am sharing them with you right now.

Slow down & rest

The first thing I recommend you do – after you have become aware that you are feeling doubtful – is to take a few moments to slow down. Whatever that looks like for you - but I would recommend a proper break. Put down your work for a moment, even if just for one minute. You have one minute. I know you do. Slow down, pause what you are doing and take a little rest. When you find yourself in such a situation, you may begin to fear that you are not doing enough and that you need to push through the self-doubt. But that is untrue. What you do want to do is to slow down and do less. How many good ideas have you had under the shower or on a walk? How many poems and grand ideas were received in a moment of leisure in the history of human invention and imagination? Exactly. When you push through, you come out more exhausted on the other end. When you slow down and take a break, you recover and step into a headspace where ideas and positive thoughts are set free more easily.

Self-compassion

Then you want to meet all parts of yourself with compassion. I am saying “all parts of yourself” because it is not you who has that doubt. It is a part of you that has this doubt. You may call it your inner critic or your shadow, or another term that works for you. Learn to separate yourself from that doubt so that you don’t identify with it. Instead of saying or thinking “I doubt my skills”, you can say “a part of me is doubting my skills”. And here is the important task: to give yourself (the loving presence that is you) AND the part of you that doubts your skills compassion and love. Feed the part of you that is doubtful with the unlimited love that you (the loving presence) has to give. Tend to this part of you, show them your love and compassion. Hold them and make them felt heard and seen. “Unfortunately” getting rid of this part or smashing it down doesn’t work. In that case, it would simply adapt and show up in a different way that does impress and steer you. Send it love and compassion instead.

Believe and trust that everything is well

Remind yourself that everything is fine and you will be okay. It is okay to feel doubtful. It is okay to not feel happy and well all the time. The art is being able to sit with that, allowing it to be there and to trust that it will pass again. Feel your own presence and that you are safe.

Choose love over fear

When you are fearful - or in this case doubtful - opportunities and new ways of thinking and creativity are cut out of your immediate toolbox. Always choose love. Choose love and give yourself the time you need. We have all bought into the misunderstanding that there is a rush - but the rush we live by is simply made up. Slow down and choose love. If you feel doubtful because you have a tendency to try making things perfect - begin to understand that perfectionism is a coping mechanism - it is a disguised fear; the fear of judgment. Choose love and know that you will always be loved.

Remember the big picture & your vision

Having slowed down, take a moment to see the bigger picture. When I was younger and a friend would say - I wasted a whole day because of X, I would say: what’s one day in 100 years? (Side note: I expect to turn 100 years). See the bigger picture within which this moment of doubt sits. This may mean to look at how well you are in fact doing, or how much will this moment really matter in one year/month/week/day? Remember you vision and what you are working toward – is it to build your business? To run a marathon? To create and exhibit your art? Remember that vision, slow down and give yourself some grace - and see the doubt pass naturally.

List your achievements

Write down all your achievements from this day, week or month or around the project you are working on. Remind yourself how well you are doing. We are prone to focus on the negative instead of the positive and so when out of 100 people giving us feedback, one person has something negative to say, we focus on that and become doubtful of our skill. That is why making a list of achievements is so powerful - it reminds you of the evidence that you are doing awesome!

Do a gratitude list

Gratitude is an emotion that fosters calm and happiness in our physical system. It also helps us to see the bigger picture, to slow down and to become present. It helps us focus on the positives, and also to see the bigger picture. In a moment of doubt, you can make it a habit to shift your mind away from focussing on the doubt and toward something you are very grateful for right now. After all, a lot of these emotions - also doubt - are both a story in our mind, a sensation in our body and sometimes a stagnant energy. When you begin to master your mind and thoughts by, for example, CHOOSING to do a gratitude practice rather than focussing on the doubt, big things are possible.

Talk about your self-doubt with a trusted one

Sometimes all we need is a tap on the back from someone else. And while you are perfectly able to provide this for yourself - at times it is just nice to have your best friend tell you that you rock. You can call a friend and even just send a voice message to them and tell them briefly about your self-doubt. This allows for several things to happen. You voice your concern, you let it out, you allow someone to witness you, and often when we say it out loud, we find the answer we have been looking for.

Enjoy a change of scenery

Leave the spot of the self-doubt and leave it behind by going outside or simply somewhere else. Go for a walk in nature. Surrounding yourself with nature has many benefits. Here it can help you to see the bigger picture - you see that the clouds continue to float across the sky no matter what. The world moves on and the doubt or fear is not very heavy in the grand scheme of things. It also allows you to become present - you can use your senses to anchor yourself in the present moment. For example, listen to the birds, watch the flowers sway in the breeze.

Get out of your mind and into your body

It can be easy to get attached to our emotions or to get sucked into one. An emotion is a combination of thought patterns, bodily sensations, chemicals and more. Get into your body and out of your mind. You can do this by going for that walk, for a run, or but turning on your favourite song (Lizzo anyone?) and shake your body - literally. Or dance. Whichever is more fun! Shake up that energy, make your body heat up or feel different sensations. Different sensations and chemicals send different information to your mind. And coming back to joy is definitely in the same range as coming back to love. Another way of getting back into your body is to focus on your breath and to change it. Play around with it or do a few specific calming breathing techniques. Your breath actually changes with different emotions and, in fact, you can change your emotion by changing your way of breathing.

How to prepare in advance

Sometimes, it can be a little hard to get out of this moment of self-doubt when you are in it. But there are also a few things you can do in preparation for it!

Expect the self-doubt day to come

Know in advance that things always change - even when you are very content and happy. Knowing that things change and that you are human and you simply go through different emotional stages helps you put less emphasis on a self-doubt day. Find ways to get comfortable with uncertainty and with the changing seasons of your emotional range. You see again that in the end, this comes down to your mind. While your body may simply do its beautiful job of sending chemicals and hormones through your body as part of simple biological processes, the message that the brain receives makes all the difference. When you learn to master your thoughts and even be prepared for them to come, you have a very big advantage.

Come home to your body with cyclical living

On that note, I would like to share with you the power of cyclical living in this scenario. When you begin to observe your female body in the course of your (non-hormonal birth controlled) body, you will begin to see patterns. For example, I discovered a few months ago that a few days (2 or 3) before my menstrual phase, I have a self-doubt day. Now, I not only expect it to come, but I also have an idea WHEN it will come. Now, that’s taking back control! In fact, I now plan my work around it. I know what I want to get done before then and I know that after the self-doubt day, my female body will slow down and my energy will go inward anyway. In this way, once the sense of self-doubt comes around, I say: “Okay, here we go. Let’s close the books, go for a walk, slow down and enter the next phase. Thank you dear body for doing whatever it is you need to do”. (Or something along those lines.)

Keep a positive feedback/achievement wall

Whenever you receive good feedback for your work or achieve a milestone - or even just a “mile pebble”, collect it somewhere. Create a board or an album on your phone where you collect screenshots of supportive messages, or make a collage, or a photo-album type collection of evidence that you are doing just fine aka amazing. When you have this feedback wall, you can come back to it any time when you feel doubtful. Read through it and remind yourself of how well things are in fact going.

Takeaway

Self-doubt days come and go like waves in the ocean. The rise and pass and there is nothing inherently “bad” about them. They just are there. You can work with them by seeing what you do have control over - your breath, your thoughts, the way you put on that song. And we all have these days - no matter who or where you are at in life. You can actually find some beauty in these days, too. Use it as an occasion to treat yourself to an early finish at work or a dance session in the toilet cubicle. You will be fine and your inner wisdom knows you will be, too. It is SO okay to have this day and it doesn’t have anything to do with your actual skill or person or worth. You are perfectly fine, held and loved.

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