Last week I posted a blog post (Seven Truths About Happiness) which was about a few rather different approaches to happiness. Among them was the importance of community and I want to expand on that a little.

We can create community, belonging and being seen through connecting with others and through(random) acts of kindness.

An act of kindness is a gesture in which we express our love and appreciation for someone. This can be a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger. It is more than just good manners which are often a more habitual way of living. We are taught good manners in order to preserve our own status and be respectful to others, but an act of kindness is an act of unconditional, non-premeditated giving.

When I took the course The Science of Wellbeing by Yale University, students were prompted to choose one activity that has been proven by science to improve wellbeing and happiness and to do it every day for four weeks.

I chose “connection” and “random acts of kindness” because at times it doesn’t come to me naturally. I loved putting in the extra effort into connecting with others so much, that community became my word of 2021. I asked a local vendor her name, I started saying “hi” or “good morning” to everyone in my neighbourhood, calling friends more, making little gifts, opening my heart.

It is a wonderful activity, but a lot of students at the Science of Wellbeing course struggled to undertake this activity during lockdown.

The lockdown has made lives hard for many of us, disconnecting us from friends and family, increasing the number of people who feel lonely and depressed. So, the honest and multiple requests by other students for advice on how to perform acts of kindness for others while in lockdown really moved me. Hence this post.

And it may be hard to think of new acts of kindness, especially if we don’t get to connect with people a lot “in the real world”, but when we lean in to our experience, listen to what friends are going through, walk outside with open eyes, we will see an abundance of opportunities to lend a helping hand.

Provide and ask for help

When someone asks you for help with something, don’t be too quick to turn it down because you are busy or because you think that someone else can do it. Lend a hand more often when asked, even if you are a member of a group that was asked. Rise up and help. And simultaneously, ask others for help. This empowers them to shine and gives them the opportunity to do an act of kindness. Just be careful that the giving and receiving happens willingly and doesn’t compromise either of you feeling comfortable.

Keep it simple

Acts of kindness don’t have to big. The gesture, the thought and the intention count. Since acts of kindness are often given spontaneously and unexpected by the receiver, the smallest gesture like a sweet text message to a dear friend can be plenty. Anything that reminds a person of the special connection they have with you is an act of kindness. So, do what feels comfortable for you.

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”
-Aesop

Love languages

Everyone gifts and perceives love a little differently. I am all in for quality time and acts of service, whereas physical gifts are at the bottom of my list. You can do a test to find out what your love languages are. I did it with my partner and it helped me see when he is performing acts of kindness where I may simply not have seen them before!

There are 5 love languages according to this test: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Even asking a friend if they could do the love languages test so that you can show them your affection in a way that they receive love, is an act of kindness, too. It shows that you are thinking about them!

You can take the test with your partner, a friend, just for yourself, with your teenage kid or child. You find it here. (We joke that my partner's love language is showing me funny memes and animal videos! But I think it’s a thing.)

A list of possible Acts of Kindness you can do from home during lockdown:

send a close friend of yours a message and a photo of you two
send flowers to a friend who is doing unwell or who is unhappy
order a simple gift for someone, or food from a local cafe in their area
send a letter or postcard - no occasion required
sacrifice your preference for others e.g which TV show to watch with the people you live with, or comfiest spot on the couch
be kind on the phone with service providers - you never know what their day is like. Ask for their name and wish them a good day at the end.
Do you have a pet? Be EXTRA nice to the vets - veterinarians are extremely likely to burn out due to high workload, exposure to death and unkind or irresponsible pet owners. When my bunny had an accident a few weeks before Christmas last year, I needed to go to the vet a lot. They managed to “squeeze” her in and even saw her on Christmas eve. So, I baked them some simple but delicious cookies. Took 30 minutes - uplifted the entire clinic. It was so worth it.
smile with your voice when talking on the phone
create space for someone - let them know that you are there for them
donate money to a charity that supports a cause you love
support a friend's fundraising efforts
ask a friend to read a book together remotely and order the book for them so they don't have to do it
write kind messages on a piece of paper and slide it under the door of your neighbours or in their mailboxes
create a Facebook group for the building or area you live in and have virtual coffee chats
if you live with someone - ask them, “is there anything I can do for you to make your day a bit easier today?" And then do it.
Send a funny animal video to a friend to cheer them up
Think of someone in your life who is not your best friend, but you have a connection. Send them a message relating to something you have in common. For example, you always eat the same chocolate together with your mother in law? Next time, if you eat it on your own, take a pic and send it to her with a kind message
support/tag a small business you love on social media - a tag means a lot to small businesses!
write down an important date in your friend's life - and send them good luck or condolences (or whatever makes sense) on that day
talk less - listen more

There is literally no end to this. Once you provide acts of services more often, the ideas will keep flowing. Or if you begin writing a list of possible acts of kindness and you get into it, you may just come up with 100 or so items!

Don't make this an unfelt habit

I can recommend doing acts of kindness on a regular basis depending on the extent of it on a daily basis or twice a week. Just always remember the intention of an act of kindness, do it mindfully, celebrate yourself for being kind without being obnoxious, write in your journal that you did it, savour the moment of giving.

Don’t let it become a habit because the other person can feel that, the act carries different energy if you do this habitually.

**It doesn't have to be random - it can be planned**

I, personally, can be pretty bad at acts of kindness - or at least at obvious acts of kindness like sending birthday cards, and such. But I received a beautiful planner for Christmas and I plan my acts now - as well as baking!

I write down the days I connect with people, when to buy a present for someone, important days of friends so I can message them, … I also try to plan doing a small new thing each week.

Since I am not in lockdown, it can be things like trying out a new market, going to a free yoga class, and so on, which connects me with more people and more opportunities for random acts of kindness. FRIENDS, THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO COST ANY MONEY.

Take care of yourself

Acts of kindness are meant to be unconditional, meaning you don’t expect anything back. But be careful not to people-please. The act of kindness is a lot easier to give when you take care of your own wellbeing first. And when you are on the receiving end, feel the love that this act of kindness is gifting you.

Are you embarrassed by being kind?

Do you view being kind to others or doing acts of kindness as a sort of vulnerability? Do you feel like you are looking for someone else's approval? Giving to others can feel like a mental hurdle to get over. And I totally get it.

In that case, I would recommend to dive deep and ask yourself where this story is coming from. Has this actually happened to you in the past that you gave your time, attention or kindness to someone in order to receive love?

What may have happened if you are experiencing this is that you have innocently bought into the misunderstanding that you are limited, and that love is limited. When we give to others, we may fear that we are giving a part of ourselves to someone else which means that we are now less than we were before.

We fear to have given up a part of our identity and that we are no longer whole. (This is just an example and it doesn't have to apply to you.) But that is untrue.

You are limitless. Your worth is limitless. And so is love. By giving someone part of your love you are not taking away from the love you can give to yourself. You are limitless.

But that is also why it is so important to look after ourselves first.

Practice metta meditation

In metta meditation, we gift love to ourselves and others, close friends, acquaintances, people we don’t have good relationships with, strangers, small or big groups of people, and so on. It is a wonderful practice to feel and radiate love and it fills you up so you can be there for others and yourself more easily.

Metta meditation can warm us up for social interaction and it can change us into more positive people which the people around us will be able to feel and benefit from, too.

Share more ideas of remote acts of kindness in the comments! Have you received a kindness that stuck with you?