About a year and a half ago I spent a few months in limbo. I had gone through a nasty burnout at my 9-5 and was exhausted. I had decided to quit – it was the only thing I could think of to get my mental and physical health back on track.

And just a day after I made the decision, my body and mind felt so much better. The simple magic of a 100% decision hit me at that time. I couldn’t trick my mind into this, the effects were too noticeable. The decision was real.

But the limbo? Well, the limbo was between having decided to quit and actually quitting. I tried to figure out the best time and timing to do this. And while I thought about telling manager as soon as I knew, my colleagues advised me otherwise. So, I decided to do it right before Christmas 2020.

And during the time until then, I used every opportunity I could to learn from my experiences in the job on all kinds of levels.

One level was figuring out my values.

Why was I feeling so unaligned at this job? Why did things feel so terribly off?

I used the time to really look at myself, at the company, the dynamics that played out and where my own yearnings didn’t overlap with what my job had to offer.

And so, I played with noting down my values, what they meant and how I wanted to apply them in life. I even put them on my website.

A couple of months later (in 2021), I was in the middle of my life coach training and had fully recovered from my burnout – only that these days I get exhausted more quickly from work …

And that’s when I realised that the first set of values I had created wasn’t an authentic representation of me and what I actually do value. My first set of values showed what I deeply valued and craved at the time (while still in the old job) when I was hurting and recovering.

Since then, I have found more and more to myself and my core, have emerged from the deep pool of self-discovery and inner work. And so, I non-apologetically put down a new set of values. These ones aren’t published on my website.

Why did I not publish them? Because I felt a little embarrassed for two reasons.

1) I thought and had talked about how your set of values stays with you. I told you that they are the deep personal code of conduct you go by in life. But here I was and changed my set of values only about 10 months later.

2) I shared with you in my article on figuring out your values that it’s best to boil down your number of values to 5. But my new set of values consists of exactly 10! You see, I am an Enneagram 7 and I find it very hard to commit to a small number of things. I have embraced minimalism in many areas of life but every now and then I still get attracted by everything and anything shiny. (So, you will giggle at my Value Number Three!)

So, here is my updated set of 10 values:

courage, fun, freedom, helping, honesty, balance, growth, kindness, ease, connection

Part of this exercise is me simply accepting – not trying to fix – that I find it hard to commit to a small number of values.

I am an Enneagram 7 and I don’t need to follow rules, do routines or commit to a small number of values *said with tongue-in-cheek*.

It’s also about not trying to emulate those who I admire, fan-girling my way through the industry.

Because in the end it all boils down to YOU BEING THE MOST YOU that YOU CAN POSSIBLE BE.

The birth of the value pyramid

And so, I came up with something else to support my scattered mind.

Because, you know, not each of my values weighs equally. Sometimes this one comes in more strong than that one.

But one day, I took my ten values and created a value pyramid. My single top value, well, at the top, then my next 2 biggest, then my 3 next biggest, and finally, my foundational 4 values at the bottom.

All neatly packed in a ‘professional-looking-but-who-cares-cause-it-works-for-me’ system. For this exercise I needed to look inward a bit more – and be more honest (see my value here? :P) with myself as to who I am. And somehow, there are two values that I hadn’t considered as part of the mix for a fair amount of time although I LIVED BY THEM EVERY DAY in my twenties.

A few close friends know that I sometimes say “I can confidently say that I couldn’t have done anything more with my twenties”. And I am so proud of that. The two values that led me there are FUN and FREEDOM.

And FUN has become my top value. (To be honest, I rejected this as a value for a while because I thought that it doesn’t seem professional or very spiritual. Now I think the opposite.)

This is what my value pyramid looks like (right now):

Why do I love it?

Well, I can now comfortably say what my top 3 values are without having to fear missing out on my other important values. It helps me prevent Value-FOMO!

It’s funny how we over and over again compare ourselves to other people – even in areas like “how many values should I have”.

Sure, at some point it gets messy, but you are the only one to know what’s truly deeply important and valuable to you in life and that you want to live by deeply. Only you know how much capacity you have. Only you know what you don’t want to let go of.

Some of my values are the result of hard-learned lessons, eg. balance and ease. Some of them have been me since I was running around naked, laughing and making friends as a kid, ie. fun, freedom, connection.

I suppose the key after all is to not take yourself too serious and to take your one and unique life serious enough.

What do you want to live by? And how does the value pyramid appeal to you?

PS. Whenever you’re ready…

If you want to get clearer on your purpose, learn to love yourself, find the courage to step into your vision and make a difference in the world – let’s have a powerful non-binding conversation! I know you are here for a reason and I’d love to support you further. My support looks like this: You talk. You tell me about your dreams and your struggles. I listen. We play. Your life changes.

I’ve seen it time and time again. I’m ready when you are.

PPS. If you loved this blog post, please share the love with a friend you know would benefit from it. Send it to them via WhatsApp, email it to them, text it to them, ... Whatever you've got to do to get this in their hands. ✨

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