How To Finally Stop Comparing Yourself And Be Content With Who You Are

Apr 21

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

–– Theodore Roosevelt

Do you ever compare yourself to others? Do you ever think that they are further ahead and you should be doing what they are doing or be at the same stage in life as they are?

They bought a house, but you haven’t yet.

They have more degrees than you, more clients, more friends, more money, …

Well, let me tell you, most people compare themselves to others. People are comparing themselves to you!

And it makes sense. It is so easy to do, it is all around us. Even when we are not in the same room as others, we have got social media and TV aka Netflix.

But let me ask you this – when you compare yourself to others, does it inspire you or does it take you down?

If it tends to take you down and make you feel less positive about yourself, it makes it difficult to be grateful for what you already have, and to see how special you are and your very unique onlyness – nobody on this planet is exactly like you. Only you.

Take personality tests

One amazing benefit of personality tests is that you understand how other people think, what drives them, what they struggle with, what they fear, where they are coming from. And ultimately how you are different and strive for things for different reasons. So, besides learning a whole lot about yourself, you also learn about others and get to see everyone’s uniqueness.

When you take a test (my absolute favourite is the Enneagram test), study your result and also read the other type descriptions. Get an insight into the minds and souls of others and you may quickly realise that this is not who you are. You may realise that what they want on a deeper level is not what you want. Boom!

Embrace your own uniqueness and develop an understanding of that of others.

I wrote a whole blog post about taking personality tests. You can read it here.

Align your goals to your values and vision

Let your goals and the way you live your life overflow with your values and vision. Really understand what it would mean to live and work by your values and feeeeeeel into your vision. Embody it.

When you do that, you will feel unshakeable on your path because you truly know what you are doing and why you are doing it the way you are. It gives you direction, fulfilment and meaning in life.

This makes it easier to not compare yourself to others because you are fully grounded in your own human experience.

I wrote a whole blog post about how to find your own values here.

Practice gratitude

Give yourself some grace. Practice gratitude for what is beautiful and what is working in your life - it will heighten your sense of satisfaction.

You can start from the bottom up - be grateful for having shelter and food and good health. Practice gratitude for beautiful things or friends, family members, hobbies.

Practice gratitude for the time you spend on a recent coffee date or for seeing a blue sky, your garden, or a bird singing a song in the tree near your house.

There is so much to be grateful for in your life.

If I asked you to write a list of all the things you can be grateful for right now, that list would be endless.

You could start by making it a Sunday morning or night ritual.

Get cosy, get a cup of tea and a blanket if you are in my hemisphere, or maybe have your first sunshine bath on your balcony with a glass of homemade orange juice. Grab your favourite journal and a pen you love and write down 10 things you are grateful for in your life right now. And then just keep on going and take it all in.

Practice kindness

Saying good morning (and meaning it) to people on your morning walk or planning acts of kindness throughout your week will help you to feel more connected to the people around you.

Often, when we compare ourselves to others it is because we desire something that someone else has because we want to fit in. We want to belong to the circles they belong to.

You can create a deep sense of belonging by practising unconditional kindness for others right now.

Doing something for someone else also gives you purpose. After all, we all have the same purpose in life - it is to be of service in some way and to contribute to the community. That is your purpose. How you do it is up to you.

You can read more on doing acts of kindness in this post.

Make a list of things you have achieved in life

This, my friend, is magic.

Think about all the things you already have achieved in life. Both those things that you achieved through hard work and those things you achieved with ease.

We tend to disregard the things that come easily to us because we associate success with suffering. But that is a misunderstanding.

What comes easy to you doesn’t come easy to others. And when you achieve something through ease, chances are higher that while you are doing that activity you felt the way you want to feel in your life right now. For example, if playing the violin comes easily to you and you got to give concerts - celebrate that too. If it came easy to you, you likely were in flow while you learned to play the violin and flow is very likely what you want to feel once you achieve your goals.

The sweet spot is to feel flow on your way to the goal, so celebrate what comes easy to you.

The grass is greener where you water it.

–– Neil Barringham

So, make a list of things that you have achieved and bathe in that sense of achievement. This is a big cornerstone of wellbeing and happiness and it will help you to be less hard on yourself when you compare yourself to others.

Do Loving Kindness Meditation

This meditation uses a set of loving phrases that you gift to yourself and others. I explain the meditation in more detail in this post and I share a meditation here.

When you gift your good wishes to others, include the person that you are comparing yourself to, the person you may be jealous of. This may be difficult but the truth is that life, success, money, love - it all is abundant.

It is not you or them.

Them having what you want does not take away from you having the same thing, for example, more money.

By gifting yourself and them kindness, you raise your vibration and create a sense of deeper connection to others and open yourself up to receiving kindness and abundance through the hands of life and other people.

Detox

We all know that the main cause of comparison is social media! I am not telling you a secret here, but let me remind you of the possibility and beauty of doing a detox. This can be a social media detox, a phone detox, or an all-around electronic devices detox.

Detox for a few hours or a whole day. Set yourself some boundaries, activate not-disturb settings on your phone so you no longer receive notifications at certain times of the day.

Or go all in and take a vacation in a place without any signal!

Remind yourself that social comparison is a real and serious thing. You can read more about that here.

Visualise others with a backpack of their own “luggage”

Remember that everyone has their own luggage.

The people you compare yourself to have their own difficulties. What they make look easy may be connected to uncomfortable experiences.

They too are comparing themselves to others. Everyone has their limits - on the inside and outside.

I heard this many months ago on a podcast - imagine everyone with a backpack on. That backpack holds all their worries, stories and fears.

Everyone has a backpack and seeing that makes it a lot easier to be compassionate and to also see the whole story of someone’s success. And to even be happy for them.

Takeaway

Long story short, trust your own journey, be kind and compassionate to yourself and others. If you find it challenging to be inspired by seeing the success of others or to be happy for them, take some time out. Slow down and take some of the activities above to heart.