“Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful...”
— José N. Harris

There is a theme I am seeing at the moment. But it is probably not just me. The world is changing. They speak of The Great Resignation which is a phenomenon that is being observed at the moment of thousands of people leaving their jobs in search of more meaning in their life. I hear of many relationships ending.

We have lived through 18+ months of strangeness, couped up in our homes or cities, not being able to see family, go to weddings, birthdays, funerals.

And with this, many people find themselves in a situation where they can’t decide if they want this or that. Often, the decision is between their status quo and change.

The thing is that change is always scary.

Change is always outside our familiar zone and a part of us is doing its job ferociously trying to keep us exactly where we are because that’s where we are still alive and will most likely continue to be that.

But another part of us often wants more than that. More than being alive. More than merely existing. That part of us sees new opportunities for us, new horizons.

But gosh, can they be scary – especially after 18+ months being couped up in a small safe space where you had to stay – literally to keep yourself and others safe. It’s a feast for your ego. And the harder it can be to dare differently.

This is where I see the theme of making a decision pop up a lot at the moment.

And there are wonderful embodied ways to make those decisions and often they are all we need, eg. something like a somatic coin toss. What does your intuition tell you? Your inner wisdom? Your body? The first place to look when making a decision is your intuition/body/inner wisdom.

But sometimes, we need a different approach or simply the next step.

Clear the path for your decision – look at your fears

Usually, the decision is already made by some part of you. You often already know what you want. But what’s holding you back is the mind. The squishy, highly evolved strange looking organ hanging out in your skull is creating all sorts of stories that create your reality. It’s funny (and scary) to think how much power it has over your life. That’s why it’s important to understand what it wants. Make a list of fears and thoughts that come up when you think of making the decision in favour of your intuition. And begin to lovingly question those. Can you know 100% that this is true? Can you know 100% that this will happen? The fears you have are always about the future but the future is a concept made up in your squishy organ. My squishy organ creates a whole different future than yours. The thing is, when there is fear, it obstructs the path of one of your options. Let’s paint a picture. If you can’t decide if you want to keep the green jumper or get rid of the green jumper, what’s the fear about getting rid of it? Perhaps you fear that aunt Mandy who gave you this jumper will be cross with you. That’s a fear. That’s a message of un-safety because, historically, when you weren’t liked in your group of people, you could be an outcast. And when you have that fear, it obstructs the path of getting rid of the jumper. It’s nearly not even a full option. You don’t quite have a chance to think about what you actually want, because the fear gets in the way first. So, clear the path for your decision so that all options have an equal chance in being wanted by you.

Create safety beyond your decision

I often find that the fear behind a decision is in relation to safety. You feel unsafe thinking about making this decision because you may lose money, or there is so much to do and you fear the overwhelm and failing at it, we might not have a place to live or someone will no longer like us. Emotional fear can be crippling. But the reality is that chances are high as the sky that YOU have safe places. We look for safety outside of ourselves which often drives our decisions and how we shape our life (take the secure job, buy a house — an entire industry is shaped around your need for safety: insurance). But we can create safety from within, too. What does safety feel like to you in your body? When do you feel utterly safe and how does that feel – physically, somatically? I am not asking what thoughts come up, but how does it feel in your body? Take a somatic picture, a blueprint. And how can you re-create this sense of safety at any given time? But there are also other safe places. A friend you can share your thoughts with. A counsellor or therapist. Perhaps you feel safe when you are in nature because it puts things in perspective. Perhaps meditation or journalling give you a sense of safety. Notice all the safe places around you and note how you can consciously create them. And see that these places remain stable for you whichever decision you make.

Make a decision – doesn’t matter which one

I have found the points above super useful in preparation for making decisions. Now, let’s get a little more practical and “rational”. That being – make a decision. Whichever one. I have been fascinated with the idea of making decisions fast. I am still learning this because I am myself a slow decision maker at times. The truth is, though, it often doesn’t matter which decision you make. No matter what you decide – you will make it work. But that said, often, what happens is that when you make a decision it becomes pretty evident pretty quickly if it was the right decision or not. Perhaps you feel awful about the decision, or things happen around you because the universe has received your message and it is showing you either that it was the right or the wrong decision. Make a decision. It doesn’t matter which one. The limbo in-between decisions is the worst place to be. It’s where you doubt yourself and exhaust yourself with trying to make sense of signs, pro and con lists, and more. “Just decide”. Put a timer on 2 minutes and just decide. Then go from there. Just get out of that limbo. And guess what – in most cases, you can change your mind again later. You may regret a decision, but also this is natural – we tend to think more of the thing we don’t have than the thing we do have.

Release the need to make a decision

OR: Now, here is the irony. Have you ever wanted something really bad and it just wouldn’t happen and then when you released the need, it did happen? It’s a classic. The same thing you can do with a decision. Release the need to make any decision at all. Release it. Maybe you don’t need to make a decision right now at all. This is what’s happened to a few of my clients. They came to me with a decision they wanted to make and then they realised that actually, they don’t need to make one at all. When you desperately try to make a decision, how does that make you feel? Most likely you feel tense, stressed, contracted, anxious. If it’s a big decision, perhaps you can’t sleep or have digestive issues. It’s because everything is interconnected and the stress-state that a decision can put you in has an effect on your whole system. There is no space for flow. There is a lot of need and neediness. But when you let the need to make a decision go, things flow. Life can flow. And it so happens that in this state of relaxation and okay-ness, a decision just drops in. It’s like the best ideas come under the shower – not when you try to have an idea. This is a place where you can receive knowing. Do you know what I mean by that? I am sure you do. Sometimes you just KNOW that something is right. But before that, you need to release.

What will really matter in the end?

Imagine yourself looking back onto your life. What will really have mattered? Will you think – why did I spend 3 of my precious years worried about this decision? Or does looking back like that perhaps give you clarity on what you want now? Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative nurse, wrote a book called “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing” and this book has surely given many people more clarity on what will matter in the end. The top regret is this: "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." When it comes to making decisions, we also need to be fearless in our own desires. What is it that you truly, deeply want? You. Not society, aunt Mandy, your family or friends? What do YOU want?

Be still

Sometimes a decision just takes time – and sometimes it takes divine timing. And that’s okay, too. There is no rush. Take some moments in stillness and reconnect with yourself.

You got this – whatever you decide. You will make it work. And you are also allowed to change your mind down the road.

☀️ And you will be okay ☀️

PS. Whenever you’re ready…

If you want to get clearer on your purpose, learn to love yourself, find the courage to step into your vision and make a difference in the world – let’s have a powerful non-binding conversation! I know you are here for a reason and I’d love to support you further. My support looks like this: You talk. You tell me about your dreams and your struggles. I listen. We play. Your life changes.

I’ve seen it time and time again. I’m ready when you are.

PPS. If you loved this blog post, please share the love with a friend you know would benefit from it. Send it to them via WhatsApp, email it to them, text it to them, ... Whatever you've got to do to get this in their hands. ✨

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