Living through Corona – Interview I
Eleonora
30 years old. Italian. Translator. Bookworm. Food lover. Imperfect.
How are you feeling today?
Today I am pervaded by lightness. I woke up at a decent time to a workday that is not filled entirely with work. Today I gave myself space and time for slow living and for recharging my positive energy bar through a long stroll with a friend (at a 1-meter distance, of course!). I would be lying if I said that every day since the start of the COVID-19 crisis has been like this – but I am appreciating more and more an empty-minded way of living, without rushing and stressing over how many things I can fit in 12 hours.
Pre-Corona, did you have a mindfulness practice? If so, what was it?
I used to practice meditation on and off. I would go on without practicing for months and then, at the peak of a very stressful time, seek refuge in meditation again. After a while, as the benefits of the practice started to show again, I would slowly but inevitably drift away from meditation – and from mindfulness. Give it a few months and: repeat all over again.
Has that changed during the lockdown?
Somehow, yes. At first, I thought that meditation would bring me most benefit while in isolation, but I soon realized that it wasn’t really what I was looking for. Instead, I began to find comfort in little, precious moments by myself, be it while cooking my lunch or enjoying a book on the sofa. Nothing, and everything, changed at the same time. Despite cooking or reading in the same way as I used to, I was approaching this or that activity with a brand new attitude. It was not the umpteenth thing to strike off my to-do list anymore, nothing to rush into because something else is waiting next. I relished the moment and let nothing and nobody (including myself) impose obligations or responsibilities on me. I also started exercising every day and I found it was a great way to connect to my body: now I know what it feels like to have muscles, and feel them, every day. I can tell when it’s a ‘bad day’ for my body (e.g. if I’m tired or need stretching) and when instead it’s ready to lash its full energy out. So, even if meditation didn’t work for me during this time, I found a different and even more effective way to ‘connect’ with my body and mind.
What do you find most challenging during the lockdown?
The lack of physical social contact. I am lucky enough to share my flat with my boyfriend, so I haven’t been entirely on my own, but I’ve really felt the absence of my friends from my life. I used to work from home even before the crisis and it has always been a challenge for me to make room for social encounters in my everyday life. The lockdown certainly didn’t improve that – although my friends always do their best to be there for me, and even gathered on Skype to remote-celebrate my 30th birthday with me!
How are you responding to this challenge?
I try to be optimistic and tell myself that the easing of restrictions will gradually allow me to meet again other people. Other than that, whenever my loneliness feels overwhelming, I try to be kind to myself. See, I have judged myself for a very long time for having few friends, and filled my head with criticism while being alone. Lately, I remind myself more often that loneliness is not the same as aloneness, and that aloneness can be presence, fullness, joy of being.
Has there been a specific moment that made you pivot? A moment of epiphany?
Yes, actually. I was in front of my house door, ready to walk through it in order to prove to the world – although nobody was asking :) – that I was normal and that I felt the urge to go out and get some fresh air, like everyone else. The truth is, I was perfectly fine where I was. That was just me judging myself and seeing myself as ‘less than’. Acknowledging my true need meant I was finally true to myself in a way I had not been for too long.
Have you developed any new habits or rituals during this period?
Yeah, around mid-March I took up a 7-day challenge to exercise every day. I haven’t stopped since! Before, I wasn’t comfortable exercising, and unable to find a physical activity that would really suit me. I saw exercising as yet another obligation, something that responsible people do for their own health. During the lockdown I took this element out of it, and exercised because it felt good. Now that I have found an exercise formula that works for me, I actually miss exercising if I skip a day, and I’ve learned that there is nothing wrong in doing some physical activity in the comfort of your home, if that works for you. Thanks, Corona!
What will you carry into post-Corona times? How are you going to make room for these changes? And why do you wish to continue them?
I discussed this with my therapist, because I was worried that I would lose these good habits once life went back to normal. She said something that really struck me deep down: “Why don’t you believe it can be possible after the lockdown is over? This is already possible: it’s happening right now”. And it’s true. Life is slowly going back to normal, and I still make room for the things that make me feel great. My confinement during Corona has taught me to be okay with myself. I wouldn’t let go of that feeling for the world.
Is there anything else you’d like to pass on to others about mindfulness and/or personal development that applies to this unique global event?
Give mindfulness a chance to get into your life. Give yourself a chance to really feel it, and you will never let it go. As Corona has kindly reminded us, our time on this Earth is short – too short to spend every day being overwhelmed by negativity and anxiety. Through mindfulness you will discover a different life, one shaped by gentleness, kindness, slowness, nurturing and pleasure. The kind of life that Italian author Italo Calvino has depicted so well with his words: “Take life lightly, for lightness is not superficiality, but gliding above things, not having weights on your heart.”
