5 Truths About Confidence: It’s Not What You Think
Do you sometimes think that you would like to be more confident?
And then when you say that you would like to be more confident, do you immediately add something like “but the nice kind” or “but not like a show-off”.
You know, I think we have accidentally attributed our own confidence to the wrong people.
Other people.
When you think about what confidence means to you, it is probably around caring less about what other people think, or about doing what you truly want in your life without worrying what society will say, or not being worried about being judged.
It’s really all the same.
We’ve attributed our own confidence to other people.
That’s the first pitfall and, really, if that is what we believe confidence is about, we will never get it. Never! Because we literally have no control over what other people think.
So, I would like to set a few things straight.
If you talk about how you don’t care about what others think, you probably do care
Now, let’s have a look at something.
When you say or think to yourself, “I don’t care about what other people think” or “I couldn’t care less about what other people think”, just get still for a moment and listen within. What does it feel like in your body when you say that?
Does it feel expansive or does it make you feel contracted?
My assumption (yes, it is an assumption, my instinct — but I don’t know it for sure) is that people who say “I don’t care about what other people think” or “I couldn’t care less about what other people think” actually care A LOT about what others think and they are trying to convince themselves that they don’t by saying it over and over again.
If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t talk about it.
But that said – there’s nothing inherently bad with caring about what others think.
It is natural and primal to worry about it at least a little bit. It boils down to our wish to belong.
A degree of it is healthy and connects us to others. There is no need to get rid of the worry about what other people think.
Instead, use it productively while also looking within and strengthening your own sense of self-esteem.
There is “true, deep” confidence and there is “false” confidence
And spoiler alert, the latter one isn’t actually confidence.
“False confidence” is what I think many of us associate with confidence in the first place.
We might think of the kid that was loudest in class or think about people who easily put themselves in the centre of attention.
You know what I am talking about.
The truth is though that often the people who seem the “most” confident are it the least and tend to overcompensate their lack of confidence with pretending.
And that’s okay.
Bless them.
Truly.
Everyone is worthy of feeling deeply at home with themselves and have a natural and true confidence.
But I find that true confidence is actually really quiet and calm, rather than loud and attention-seeking.
When somebody is truly confident with themselves, they tend to radiate a sense of peace and contentment, but also openness and curiosity about the people around them because they deeply understand that others sharing their successes or stories doesn’t take away from their own significance.
True confidence is not about other people but about your own inner world and level of self-trust
Confidence means loving yourself and all parts of you.
And your level of confidence is strongly linked to a sense of self-worth and self-trust, too.
But unfortunately, the way we think about confidence, we end up outsourcing our own confidence while claiming that we don’t care about what others think.
That’s a bit silly, isn’t it?
In German, actually, the word for confidence is “Selbstvertrauen” which more directly translates to “self-trust”.
When you think of the word “confidante”, it is also about someone who we confide in, someone we trust with our heart and who we share secrets with.
When we learn to truly trust ourselves and to confide in ourselves – when we change our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with others changes as well.
So, perhaps, you are not looking for “confidence” but for self-trust.
True confidence is love and a deep understanding of your own limitless worth.
It’s understanding that your worthiness and the love at your core are inviolable and unchangeably limit-free.
Confidence is beautiful
When we struggle with our own confidence we may be judging other people for being confident.
But remember that we may be associating the wrong attributes to the confidence we see in others and confuse ourselves all about it, never allowing ourselves to explore the truth and beauty and ease that comes with fully being confident and feeling at home within yourself.
True confidence is beautiful and attractive and inspiring and powerful and energetic and magnetic.
Let’s get some.
Being confident makes other people feel safe and relax
People naturally look for a leader unless they may be trying to compensate their own lack of confidence with taking a leadership role to have the feeling like their outside world is giving them confidence.
But when you think about why you want to be confident and you associate it with not caring about what other people think, then you create distance and disconnection between you and them.
But when you think about it it becomes clear:
When you go to a hairdresser, do you want them to play small and undersell themselves?
When you go get surgery, do you want the doctor to be shy and feel like they don’t know what they are doing?
When you get a taxi, do you want the taxi driver to feel like they don’t know how to drive the car or not know the city?
No.
Of course not.
Do you want your manager or team leader to exhibit false confidence or be clueless?
No.
In reality, you want your hairdresser, your surgent, your taxi driver and your team leader to be confident because it makes you feel safe and like you can trust them.
When you go on a date, you want the date to have true confidence because it makes you feel safe and relax.
So, without wanting to make your confidence again about other people, have a think about how your confidence can help others feel safe in your presence and support them to relax.
Now, that’s something.
In this article, we’ve journeyed from confidence meaning “not caring what other people think” via “deep self-trust” to “being confident for the benefit of others”.
How do you think about confidence? Is this something you’re still mastering, exploring or do you feel arrived in your true, deep confidence/love? Share with me!
PS.
If you would like to feel more confident and explore the topic further 1:1, I am here for you. All the way. Because you are so beyond worthy and it would be my honour to hold space for you and support you in seeing it for yourself.
My passion is to guide and coach you into more joy, love, self-compassion and freedom. And to support you in the most easeful and accessible way, I currently have a unique and special offer: Individual Coaching Sessions.
You can book anywhere from 1 to 6 individual coaching sessions at a time and sessions are 90 minutes long. Only available for a limited time!
Book under the link in my bio or here: https://www.ninagruenewald.com/individual-coaching-sessions
PPS.
The next YATO is happening on 2 July! A 3-hour online event called You Are The One, diving into your greatness, taking stock of the year, sharing, MUSIC, dancing, recalibrating and setting new intentions and actions for the next 3 months! It’s going to be a blast. Are you joining us?
