The Power of Rituals – What They Are And How They Can Benefit You
In the previous interview, Lauren told us a lot about how she has been living through Corona. I don’t know about you but I found the images that she drew so heartwarming. In a few simple words she took us on a little journey with her onto her balcony, sipping a cup of tea or watching the rain. She certainly pointed out a lot of things that I resonated with when it comes to mindfulness. One of the things was
I’ve always aspired to have elements of a mindfulness practice, even before I knew what mindfulness was. I was influenced very early on by the movie Amélie. There’s a scene at the beginning where the narrator is talking about the things that Amélie enjoys, and mentions things like skipping stones and putting her hand into bags of beans. I realised that those kinds of sensations were really things that I treasured. Now I actively cultivate that joy in the tiny tiny things.
You may remember that you read a similar approach in the interview with Eleonora (Read here if you haven’t already. It is the first one in this series.) and I wrote a whole blog post on the wonderful practice of savouring (Read the post here – I am quite proud of it myself. You will get the implied joke when you read it ;) ). Which is why I have picked a different idea from Lauren’s interview. Something that I have been wanting to write about for a while. When I asked her if she had developed any habits or rituals during the lockdown, Lauren responded,
Yep. And consciously too. After my realisation that if I wanted to achieve these really big goals, I would have to change my habits, I did some deep introspection to work out which habits they were and where I needed to be with them, and how I was going to get there. A big one for me is improving my sleep, so I’ve now got some (developing) rituals around bed time to help me sleep better.
There are two things that caught my eye. One, the aim to improve her sleep, and two, to use rituals to achieve that aim. Both of these topics are too big and complex to put into one blog post, but I tell you this. In this post, I will share with you first what rituals are and how they are different from habits. I will tell you how you can use rituals and in which areas of your life you can apply them. Another post in the future shall be entirely devoted to the topic of holy sleep because, oh my! Surely you know of the “hype” of sleep. It does make me giggle a little but it is about time that we did prioritise it again. But there is too much to share with you so I will make it a topic for another day. And then of course, there is the very specific topic of how to use rituals for your very own nighttime routine in order to improve your sleep. But let’s take it step by step.
What is a ritual?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines ritual as "a set of fixed actions and sometimes words performed regularly, especially as part of a ceremony”. Together with myth and religion, rituals have been around for thousands of years and occupied people from ancestral primitive cultures all the way through to modernity. Rituals have often been connected to life, deity, sacrifice, and death, for instance in the celebration of a birth or funeral, the possibly earliest forms of rituals being found in totemic clans. But rituals also have a place in individual experiences, for example, the rejection of the right to perform burial rites for her brother has been forever perpetuated in Sophocles’ heart-breaking tragedy “Antigone”. But today, there is not only this use of rituals. Rituals, according to Vanessa Ochs (teacher at University of Virginia), “offer ways for emotion to be contained and channeled … Rituals connect us to groups, they connect us to the divine, they suggest a deeper world of meaning beyond the mundane habits of the everyday. They can transcend time, connecting us to our ancestors and to those who will come after us.” They can also bring structure to complicated life events and emotions and can be of help when transitioning from one stage to another. Wow. That is a whole lot, isn’t it?
Now, when you notice that some of your activities already are rituals or that there are some that you could turn into rituals, remember that it is for you. These are for yourself. When you introduce a ritual into your life, do so out of love. A ritual allows you to be here in the present moment. To practise awareness, to savour, to love. However, there is also a little pitfall with oh so many of these beautiful practises. And that is that you may think that it needs to be perfect or that you need to be perfect at doing them. And when you are not “perfect” at doing this ritual, like you forget about it or you just don’t feel like doing it, you risk scolding yourself. But let me tell you this, my friend. It is not about perfection. These are not another chore on your list. It is not about “getting it right” or making it “instagrammable”. You don’t need to go overboard. It is not something you need to track, or show off or post about. No. Let's not turn this beautiful practise into another opportunity to be too hard on ourselves. It is love, it is connection, it is true, no matter what it is. When you practise your ritual and you are in the here and now, you experience truth and life as it is. There is no room or need for judgment, just celebration and love.
What is the difference between rituals and habits?
Habits and rituals have a few things in common, for example, they are activities that are done at a specific point in time and are often connected a specific trigger or event. But what is the magic of a good habit? Exactly. You do a habit automatically, you don’t think about it. You just do it because you have done so for a while, it is a conditioned activity. Rituals on the other hand have a much, much deeper meaning for us. They can connect us even, I think, to the meaning of life and fill our moments with spirituality – even if they are non-religious. So, while good habits can carry you through the day without you having to think about them, a ritual is a symbolic behaviour that requires presence and intention. In that way it can pull you out of automatic everyday activities and give meaning to the things you do. Habits and rituals compliment each other but they are not the same. So why not intentionally introduce some ceremonial rituals into your every day life?
To summarise – why should you introduce celebratory rituals into your life?
Rituals help you be in the moment – they require intention and presence
They help you focus & ground yourself, also in challenging times
They create deeper meaning in your life, actions and decisions
They can increase your connection to spirituality, nature and community
They can help guide you through times of transition
They help deal with grief and sorrow
In our fast-moving world, rituals have the power to ground and stabilise us, and keep us focused and purposeful. They increase confidence, provide us with a sense of security, alleviate the weight of grief and help reduce anxiety. And, above all, rituals are a sure fire way to increase happiness.
Dr Deepika Chopra, holistic psychologist and manifestation expert
(not to confuse with Deepak Chopra)
One of the most relevant features of rituals for you right now may be their power to guide you through times of transition. Many of you will be transitioning from lockdown into post-lockdown at the moment, or even back from post-lockdown to lockdown. Rituals can be extremely helpful to mark this transition as something meaningful. They can also help you to carry on with new healthy habits and routines that you may have developed during this time.
In which other areas of your life can you use rituals?
You can use rituals in pretty much any area of your life. Even existing routines can be turned into a celebratory routine. And by adding a few rituals you can add a little bit of fairy dust to pretty much anything you do. Below I am giving you a few examples and tell you a little bit about my own rituals. Perhaps you are already using rituals yourself! What are some of your rituals I wonder? The beauty of a ritual is that it develops over time. You may start introducing more things to your routine or decide to let some things go …
Before Yoga
Now, I adore my morning yoga but as it is part of my morning routine, it runs the risk of becoming repetitive or even becoming a point to check of my to do list. And, my friend, that is the opposite of what I want. So, I began introducing a few little rituals before beginning my practise. First, rolling out my yoga mat (and rolling it back up) is one of the most symbolic parts of my entire practice. I love it. It is simple, but it literally creates the space for my yoga where before there was a regular floor. Now, there is a dedicated space for yoga. It also helps me transition into the time I set aside for yoga from whatever was before. But rolling out my yoga mat has always been part of my practise. I needed to add more to create deeper meaning for my yoga practise and to really create a connection to the hear and now, to let me focus on what lay ahead. So, before I even roll out my yoga mat, I drink a glass of warm water while I sit in a big cozy chair and just slowly wake up. Next I light a candle and place it on a stool near my yoga mat. I also place a rose quartz crystal near it (I don’t usually use crystals, but it is a beautiful little object that grounds me). I may also draw a card from my manifestation set. I don’t do this everyday, though. Sometimes I draw a card that resonates with me and my current state so much, that if will sit on my desk for a few days. But the activity of drawing a card is one little ritual that I indulge in every few days. I also have a little roll-on with some calming essential oils in it and I roll it over my chest. I bought it during our Christmas vacation at the Sunshine Coast in Australia and it always reminds me of that beautiful time. The scents also help my mind focus on the present moment. There you have it. These are a few little rituals I have integrated into my yoga practise and it makes my entire time on the mat more meaningful. You can create your own little rituals with things, thoughts and objects that are meaningful to you. You could, for example, also begin by writing your intention for today’s yoga practise on a little piece of paper, or sit in silence for a few moments and think about a few things you are grateful for before you begin with yoga.
What you could use, but of course, it is your own ritual – so use whatever creates meaning for you:
manifestation cards
a candle
a crystal or some other object that carries meaning for you
a yoga mat
a yoga block
essential oil diffuser
roll-on
music
eye mask (for shavasana – if you do shavasana)
a blanket
a glass of water
On your birthday
Is there any better even in your life that symbolises transition, becoming wiser and change in your life? Except for New Year’s Eve, of course, or which ever year-to-year transition you celebrate. Why not do a little ritual on the day of your birthday? This year, I wanted my birthday to be special. The last few years were nice but the day was never quite what I wanted it to be, This year I made it my goal to have the best birthday ever. And one element was that I wanted to do a little ritual. I was not sure what or how but I opted for one. On a large piece of paper I wrote a few things that I wanted to be the next year. Words that described the person I wanted to be during the next 365 days. On the remaining space of the paper I wrote words that described traits, thoughts and things in my life that I wanted to let go of. Then, I separated the two sections and cut out each thing that I wanted to let go of. I lit a candle and burnt the scraps of paper with the thing I wanted to let go of, one by one. I also said a few words in my head to let it sink in. I never thought that this would be a good idea or even make me feel a certain way, but you know what? It felt great. Seeing the word of the thing or feeling that I wanted to let go of burn away slowly had a beautiful effect on me. It manifested the change I was longing for in my heart. Afterwards I wrote a few words about this so I would be able to come back to it later. It was a beautiful experience and I can really recommend having a little ritual on your birthday.
What you need for this ritual:
a peace of paper (I used a large one for water colouring – the quality is great)
a pen (your favourite thick pen)
a candle
a bowl to catch the ashes
a glass of water in case things get out of hand (fire, for example)
Make sure to use fire resistent tools and to make sure that children and pets are safe
Before going to sleep
This is what Lauren talked about in her interview. And this is where it becomes even more obvious how helpful rituals can be. If you have identified an area of your (daily) life that you struggle with, in this case, you might find it difficult to go to bed on time or even to fall asleep, rituals can be one thing to help you set your focus, wind down your mind and transition between different stages (chore stage to sleep stage, for instance). When I asked Lauren which rituals she is using, she told me this:
My new ritual is to ceremoniously put my computer to sleep at 9pm, and then do other things (cleaning, tidying, watering plants, sewing, reading, etc) for a little while until I calm down, and then making a cup of peppermint tea for myself and my husband. Then I have to sit down and drink my tea and slow down, which starts preparing me for bed.
I would really like to develop this into more of a ritual, and have a 5 senses ritual involving yoga and meditation as well as the tea, but the tea is a start for me.
This response is packed with elements that you have learnt about above. Lauren tells us about a set of activities that she is doing every day at a certain time. But also, she shares with us that her ritual is still evolving. And that is exactly what I like about rituals or celebratory routines – before they turn into habits and we barely notice them anymore. Having a ritual evolve over time allows us to feel inside of ourselves and discover what fits best, what is it that we need most, which other activity can organically become part of the routine?
I also have a certain routine that I follow. It starts with the way I make my cup of nighttime tea before going to bed. I love choosing my cup for the occasion, turning on the kettle and filling up the cup. Then I balance the cup into the bedroom, make sure the bed is tidy and welcoming, turn on the lamp beside my bed and turn off the ceiling light. This always does the trick – the lowered light always puts me in the mood for bedtime. Then I go to the bathroom and wash my face and brush my teeth. The products I use are very important for the ritual as well because they are all so very dear to me. I chose them carefully. My toothbrush is made of bamboo and my floss is plastic-free and made from bamboo charcoal fibre. Every time I use it, it makes me happy (yes, I am talking about floss!). I use a wash cloth in the most beautiful earthy colour that my mother bought me when my parents came to visit me from Germany and we spent some time in Queensland – just before the lockdown. The products I use for my face are water, a bar of organic soap and Aēsop products. I adore Aēsop products because they make my skin care an experience … and a ritual. Then I usually walk up to my partner and ask him to smell my face (again, I love Aēsop - and my partner does too). Then I walk back to the bedroom, and cuddle into the tidy bed, pick up my book and read for one hour before turning off the lights. It helps me wind down my thoughts and become really present in the moment. In the beginning, my eyes may still be racing across the paper, I may have to read a sentence a few times because I am still distracted and not quite there. But by the end of that hour, I am fully there, my thoughts (usually) tamed and my eyes sleepy. That is my nighttime ritual.
What I use/do for my evening routine
go to bed at 8.30 pm (most days)
cup of tea
wash cloth
soap
Aēsop products (facial oils)
bamboo toothbrush
bamboo charcoal fibre floss (it is plastic free July!)
a tidy bed
bedside lamp
physical book
lights out at 9.30 pm (in winter 10 pm sometimes)
When transitioning from work into home mode (also without home office)
This is something I am thinking about a lot for when I return to the office in less than two weeks. The commute and the transitioning between work and home will be different and harder in some regards. Do you know the feeling when you come home from work or close the door to your home office and you dive right into chores because you want to make use of the energy you have? Make use of the adrenaline? But when you allow yourself to stand still for a moment, you notice your thoughts racing each other at a speed that prevents you from even grasping what they are about. Your ears may be summing, and when you close your eyes, you notice that they are moving rapidly without ever focussing on one spot for more than two seconds. You are not at home. You are in a space between home and work, neither at one nor the other. A world in between where you have no power over your thoughts but are subject to your minds violent processing.
So, the ritual that I developed over time is that when I come home I do not give in to the dishwasher’s cries to be emptied or those of the laundry to be folded. I soak a wash cloth in hot water with a drop or two of calming essential oils. It always smells wonderful and scents easily help you focus on what is. Then, with a glass of water and the warm and fragrant wash cloth I lie down on a sofa, set a timer for 10 minutes and place the warm cloth over my face – mainly the eyes. Usually, I feel immediately transported into vacation land. The moment it touches my skin, my senses wander off to a world of peace. At first, my thoughts and eyes are still racing. Important is to not give in to those thoughts but to focus your eyes on the spot between your eyes. After a few minutes, my thoughts and eyes slow down and I actually notice the sounds around me and my aching muscles. Even if you feel ready to get up before the timer goes off, it is important to stay for the full 10 minutes. In my experience 10 minutes are the perfect length. By the end of it, I always fully arrive at home, my heart and thoughts present in the moment. It makes such a difference.
What you need
a glass of water
a wash cloth
essential oil or soap
a couch (*wink)
a timer
These are just some examples, some ideas. And hey, remember, it doesn’t matter if it is not always the same. It does not matter if you do it at different times or if you forget it or if you are too tired. Be gentle with yourself and your thoughts and your sensations. All is good.
Images
Photo by Esther Wilhelmsson on Unsplash
Photo by tabitha turner on Unsplash
Photo by My Life Journal on Unsplash
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
Photo by Victoria Strukovskaya on Unsplash
Photo by 五玄土 ORIENTO on Unsplash
