Knowing how to identify your core values and then living in accordance with them can give your life and every day not only more depth and meaning, it also allows you to generally live in more alignment. Vice versa it means that if you don’t know what your personal core values are or you don’t live according to your set of values, you may be on a straight road down to unfulfillment or even burnout.

That is what happened to me last year.

I had been working in a job which I generally enjoyed, but within a certain amount of time, things changed – dynamics changed – and quite quickly I realised that the things that were of utmost importance to me were not lived by in that workplace (at least on higher level).

And when I attempted to work by own values, it often ended up in some kind of clash.

Not being able to work in accordance with my personal core values reduced the meaning I saw in my work, the notion of impact I would be having, and it also made me feel plain unimportant. All of these aspects are signs of a burnout (which I always thought was only related to a too intensive workload).

But at the same time, this experience also forced me to understand what my values actually were, to define them and find ways to live by them.

So, I started investigating myself, my emotions and reactions. While I was having conversations with others, I would hear myself talk and make a mental note whenever I said something from the bottom of my heart that spoke about values.

Doing personality tests also helped getting a good insight into some of my character traits from a different perspective. You can learn more about what I learned from taking personality tests in this post.

Now, I have a pretty clear set of values and non-negotiable (which I will write about in a few weeks’ time in a separate post) which I can actively work and live by.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
- Ghandi

How to identify your core values

So, how do you identify your personal core values? There are a few simple steps you can take and they are all related to digging deeper into your understanding of your self, following the steps of 1) awareness, 2) acceptance, 3) aligned action.

Determining your values by paying attention to your sensations and reactions in your everyday life

In order to determine your own core values in your daily life, it is important to be aware of our emotions or bodily sensations. Our values are a part of us, they make up our essence, our core, and when we experience a moment that is meaningful to us, or a moment that works against our core values, we can feel that within our body.

Perhaps we become happy, expansive and vibrant – or angry, upset, and agitated.

So, next time you experience such emotions, ask yourself, “why am I feeling that way?”, “Why am I feeling angry right now?” or “What is happening right now that tells me something about my deeper values?”.

Perhaps you are seeing how someone is treated unfairly. Perhaps you see someone ditching their take-away coffee cup into the local bushes. Perhaps you know that someone is lying. Or perhaps you are witnessing a form of inequality, e.g. racism or sexism.

Or - in a more positive experience, “what about this moment is meaningful to me?”, or “why am I feeling deeply fulfilled right now?”.

Perhaps you are spending time with friends, or you are cooking a delicious and nourishing meal or you are helping an injured bird, or just sitting in your favourite spot reading a book. What about this is meaningful to you?

Investigate your experiences like this regularly and you will find a pattern, a common denominator between the moments that make you feel expansive and in your element, or moments that make you want to scream out loud and spontaneously become an activist!

In that sense - anger or frustration are not a negative emotion. In fact, they never are!

They show you what is important to you. Or they show you that you are feeling treated badly. Investigate why you are having this emotion.

All emotions and feelings have their purpose and they all carry wisdom that you can learn from.

No matter what you are experiencing emotionally or somatically - don’t judge it. You are an investigator of your emotions and sensations.

Determining your values as a targeted exercise

Become present

The first step is always awareness. So, let’s start by becoming present in our body, time and space. You can treat this like a visualisation exercise, you can sit as you would for a meditation, you can sit on a bench with a cup of tea, or do this while taking a walk. Important is that you are present.

So, take a few breaths and calm down the racing thoughts in your head. You can apply a few mindfulness techniques here, for example grounding yourself in the present moment by noticing five things that you can see, four things that you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. I have a whole post on how to practice mindfulness without meditation or sitting still.

Summon a memory of a meaningful moment

Now that you have arrived in the present moment, think of a moment that felt deeply meaningful to you. Re-live it in your mind and body. What happened in the moment, who were you with, where were you, how were you feeling? Let that moment sink in. Perhaps you already know what core value was embodied in this moment. Go ahead and summon more meaningful moments. When did you feel in full alignment? You can take notes about your discoveries in your phone, make a voice recording before you forget it, or journal about it when you are done with the exercise. If you don’t have much patience for journalling but would still like to remember your discoveries beyond taking bullet points - you can have a look at this post: 6 things you can do if you don’t have the patience for journaling.

Summon a memory of a moment when you were angry or upset

Now, go the other way. Summon one moment or more when you were angry or upset. This exercise may seem counter-intuitive but as I mentioned above - the effect of a suppressed personal core value is quite noticeable in our body. It may even be easier to identify your values by looking at them as a suppressed value than as a lived value.

You may feel the effects in your chest, throat or gut.

This exercise is not here to chastise yourself, so be gentle with summoning moments that caused you to be upset or agitated. Don’t choose the hardest ones. The task is to explore what was happening at the time, who you were with, what was being said, where you were, what you witnessed and how you felt in your body. Those bodily sensations are extremely valuable, so don’t only explore your values with your mind.

Analyse all of that without judging it. Even sensations that we might label as negative carry a lot of meaning and wisdom for us. What core value or values were disregarded, ignored, or suppressed in some way? Take note of your discoveries.

Make a list of your core values

Now it is time to journal it all out. What moments did come up for you and what lived or suppressed core values stood out to you? Make a list of all values that come up for you in this moment. Perhaps you are still feeling the bodily sensations as you jot these down. And that is great.

Values are not fleeting but they are deeply rooted aspects of our character and personality. And yes, some of your personal core values may be the result of experienced trauma. So, to be gentle on yourself. Remain present, focus on your breath, or count backwards from one hundred in steps of 7, if your emotions get a better of you.

Narrow down/group similar values & prioritise where applicable

The best amount for your personal core values seems to be 5-10. So, I you have more than 10 see where you can combine 2 or more.

Some of the core values that you noted down as a result of your investigation may be closely related, for example, community, togetherness, friendships. You can group these together under one umbrella value. You can also prioritise your values in order to figure out which ones are most important to you.

But after all, all of your values are non-negotiable for you. They are your personal code of conduct.

Acceptance

I would not recommend looking up a list of values online. Those are very expansive and you may pick the values that sound best to you, or those that you hope to have. Remember that your core values are part of your, well, CORE.

They are part of you and just as you are whole and beautiful in all aspects, your own personal values are perfect, too. Discover them, and then accept them. Embrace them!

And that means to accept the values of others, too. Important is that you find ways to live by your own personal core values and others by their own.

When somebody claims to have certain values or noble beliefs and then does not embody them, this can be very frustrating, confusing and de-orienting for the people around them. It is called hypocrisy and it is generally considered to be unpleasant. It can happen in workplace, with friends or family. “In moral psychology, it is the failure to follow one's own expressed moral rules and principles” (Wikipedia). The best may be to practice compassion and patience in cases like these as hypocritical behaviour may stem from a lack of self-knowledge or a general uncertainty within their own self or entity.

Aligned Action

That is where aligned action comes in.

Our values are part of us, they make up our essence, they identify what is important to us in our life and work.

When we know what our personal core values are and when we choose to live and work by them, we may discover that a change of behaviour is in order to maintain integrity and in alignment with one’s self.

We may even change the people we surround ourselves with, how we spend our time, and what places and locations we frequent.

Are you ready to take action? Once you have discovered what your personal core values are, make it your goal to live by them - 1% more at a time.

Download this workbook to find out what exactly you are already doing to live by your values, how you can live even more in accordance with them, and figure out what exact next steps you will take.

Tell me in the comments below what your values are! And let me know what you took away from this post! It always thrills me to hear from you!