One key activity to enhance your happiness (not meditation…but close)
In this week’s interview, Eleonora spoke about many things that I could very much relate to – working out more during Corona, missing the time spent with friends, judging myself for not having a lot of friends, and more. (Read the whole interview here.) And there was in particular one thing that I found so beautiful, so accurate and so helpful. Spoiler alert: you will read about a similar experience again in other interviews.
What I found so wonderful was this:
I began to find comfort in little, precious moments by myself, be it while cooking my lunch or enjoying a book on the sofa. Nothing, and everything, changed at the same time. Despite cooking or reading in the same way as I used to, I was approaching this or that activity with a brand new attitude. It was not the umpteenth thing to strike off my to-do list anymore, nothing to rush into because something else is waiting next. I relished the moment and let nothing and nobody (including myself) impose obligations or responsibilities on me. … So, even if meditation didn’t work for me during this time, I found a different and even more effective way to ‘connect’ with my body and mind.
That really struck a chord with me and I am sure it does with you, too. She talks about a way to “connect” with her body and mind without meditation, and about relishing a moment. Now, that said, Eleonora knows the benefits of meditation and has been practising mindfulness for a while, but this has been a lot more effective for her during this time.
So, I want to talk to you about an activity that I detect here between the lines. An activity that can enhance your level of happiness and presence, an activity much researched, an activity that you probably already do sometimes. And by the way, it is also an activity-packed with mindfulness. The activity is called “savouring”.
What is savouring?
Savouring is a concept addressed in the field of positive psychology and “involves the self-regulation of positive feelings, most typically generating, maintaining, or enhancing positive affect by attending to positive experiences from the past, present, or future” (Bryant, F. B., Chadwick, E. D., & Kluwe, K. (2011)). And Laurie Santos from Yale explains that savouring refers to the act of stepping outside your own experience so that you can review and appreciate it. This applies to any potential positive experience you could have. For example, imagine, you treated yourself to a pastry from your favourite café that finally opened again after the lockdown – no restrictions and all (I know, right?). On the way out you unwrap the pastry and start taking some bites from it. There are two ways to experience this. One, you just have the experience but essentially let it pass by you. You may be thinking of all the things you need to do next and the laundry that you didn’t have time to do before you left the house. After you take the first few delicious bites, you are looking for your car, and eating the pastry has become a side-gig. Or, two, you could be fully present and absorbed in eating while you are having this experience. For instance, instead of looking for your car, you look for a place to sit down or stand in the sun, solely focussing on eating this delicious food. In addition to that, you don’t only realise how good the pastry tastes, but also realise what a good and wonderful experience this is overall. You are becoming aware of yourself having a good experience. It is about loving awareness, about pure and full presence in the moment, appreciation for that in front of you – but also about non-attachment, about enjoying while it lasts. In that way, you keep your attention focused on that experience and the intensity and duration of it seem enhanced.
That is the wonder of savouring. It is like a time machine, only for the present. To pull you out of worries about the future or past into the present moment. I think we all need something like that. Back to the future was never more relevant.
How to practice savouring – some strategies
There has been some research done on the best things to do and think while savouring a moment that improve the experience even more without stepping out of the present moment. Here are some of the things that you can try next time you as you are eating a delicious pastry or are having another experience that you wish to savour.
1) Tell another person how good this feels.
If you are eating a delicious something, are going for a hike and enjoy the vista, or are having any other good experience – big or small – tell someone about it as you are having the experience. When you are with a friend or someone else and you are savouring a moment, you can say, for example, “isn’t that just beautiful” or “Wow, that is so tasty!”. Sounds familiar? You are probably doing this already when you cannot hold it back. But you can do it even more often. Become aware of yourself savouring a moment and talk about it. You will see what it does for you.
2) Think about how you will share your experience with other people later
Experiences can be amplified when you go through them again with other people. Not only will you re-experience the event when you share it with someone, but also the act of telling the story about how great something felt is a form of expressing gratitude. So, as you are having a savour-worthy experience, you may think, “I cannot wait to tell my friend about how great this is”. If you find the moment too personal or private to share and you don’t actually want to talk about it – no problem. You can do any of the following.
3) Show physical expression
To be honest, I have the weirdest habit. When I get excited or very happy about something, something that I am about to do, or eat or whatever, my body thrusts my hands together and rubs them against each other like crazy… Like a child. Or like a fly! There is nearly nothing I can do about it! My body screams for physical expression and for some odd reason, this is the activity my body has chosen for me as a default many, many years ago … It is really quite silly but I know it is a good sign. And sometimes I will bounce around (at home) if something really positive happens. You can also sing or scream or laugh or giggle to heighten the positive aspect of a moment. Just do it, get it out and experience it on a physical level. Our thoughts and brain functions can get influenced by the chemical reactions in and even postures of our beautiful body and vice versa. Letting them play together is a wonderful thing to experience.
4) Tell yourself how proud you are of yourself
This may not apply to eating a piece of pastry (although, who knows!!), but rather other experiences, like winning an award or even just finishing the crosswords. Or you may be proud of yourself for not reacting blindly to a trigger, but thinking first and responding next. I have that sometimes. My mindfulness practice helps me create a crack in time and stop me from reacting to triggers sometimes. Instead I breathe deeply, oh so deeply and the feeling passes, the fight-and-flight mode has been deactivated. As I experience that I am very proud of myself – and grateful. And now that I think about it – you can be just as proud of yourself for eating a piece of pastry – why not be proud of yourself for eating it and enjoying it instead of beating yourself up because you interrupted some diet?
5) Take a picture of the experience
I enjoy taking pictures on my walks and even if it is always the same walk and things may be similar, they are never quite the same. When you take a picture to enhance positive feelings in the present moment, it is not really about taking a very great picture. You may not even take the picture in order to look at it again later. (But if you do, you have a collection of wonderful moments that you don't have to share, they are just for yourself.) Taking a picture may take you out of the moment for a few seconds but if you, say, want to get it just right, you are looking at that tree, that flower from various angles to get it just right, you are also intensifying the present moment. As long as we don’t walk with our phone or camera in front of our eyes through our lives, it is all good. Just make sure that you don’t worry about the image too much. You don’t want to get entangled in the worries about the future or negative thoughts like, I am just not a good photographer. Let that sit aside. The inner critic has his/her purpose as well but their warnings are not required or helpful at this moment. Taking a picture without thinking about what to do with the picture later is a great way to enhance savouring.
Essentially, key to savouring a moment is to be present, to be in that moment – not anywhere else.
6) Write about your savoured experience later
Now, this is not being in the moment anymore, but as you saw in the definition above, savouring can also enhance “positive affect by attending to positive experiences from the past, present, or future”. It is also the text version of taking an image. Writing down into your diary or journal a few things that you savoured that day or that week can help you re-live them and make it easier to remember them later. Taking a photo of your savoured experience, writing it down in a journal or wrapping it in a story and tell it to others can manifest the story and according to Mike Wiking (The Art of Making Memories) help us to remember these stories much later.
Why should you practice savouring?
Your daily life is packed with moments of beauty. Did you know that? You may know or you may not know. Our daily lives are filled with experiences that we think to be positive or negative. We are humans after all and do judge most things that happen to us. It is also a form of survival mode – this experience was negative, or these people made me feel bad, so I will avoid situations like this in the future, and these people as well. We are constantly on the go and our fight-or-flight is one of the main reasons for that. But the beauty, oh the beauty. Don’t miss out on the beauty in your life. You are playing with your kid and are on the phone at the same time? Put that phone away and savour the time you have with your child as long as they are this cute. They grow up so fast. (I am writing that with a funny voice – it is such a cliché, but it’s true.) Or your partner wants to do a funny dance with you in the morning and you are getting ready for work? That’s beauty right there. Let it go and dance for a few moments. This experience may change your entire day to the better. You can also see the beauty in other things than your own experience. Seeing children play, people helping each other, dogs play, a rainbow, light falling through the canopy of autumn trees… They are everyday life things but only those who notice them can enjoy and savour them.
You get hundreds of thousands of opportunities to savour – every day
So, what are we learning from what Eleonora put so beautifully as “I began to find comfort in little, precious moments by myself, be it while cooking my lunch or enjoying a book on the sofa. … Despite cooking or reading in the same way as I used to, I was approaching this or that activity with a brand new attitude. It was not the umpteenth thing to strike off my to-do list anymore, nothing to rush into because something else is waiting next. I relished the moment and let nothing and nobody (including myself) impose obligations or responsibilities on me”?
There is a lot in here that we can see as elements of savouring a present moment. First, you can savour all moments – big or small. Second, you can go through an experience or activity in this way or that way – but if you savour it, you relish it. Third, in order to savour a moment, we need to separate that moment from moments to follow as per our to-do list, calendar, social obligations, what have you. In this sense, the lockdown has given many of us the opportunity to experience a world without the need to be here and there and do this and that all at the same time because we are literally living/have lived in confinement. Learn from that. Make the best of that. And remember that after the lockdown. Fourth, savouring a moment is a delicate thing and it can easily be terminated by your own or other’s expectations. Believe me, all of that can wait. It can.
Practising mindfulness is exactly this. It doesn’t only come in the form of orange-clothed, crossed-legged, or downward-looking perfection. (I am giggling a little at that myself). No, it doesn’t. No, no, no, no, no, no. Luckily it does not. It comes in every.single.moment of your day. Every moment, you can choose to do it. Every single moment you can choose to savour, be in the present moment, see beauty. And guess what. When that moment is over and you did not choose to savour it – you get about an additional hundred thousands of opportunities per day to make that decision. Over and over again.
Mindfulness is not only to be found in meditation
It is a lifestyle, an exercise, a difficult, difficult practice that comes easily in some ways and not so easily in other ways. Trust me. I know. People experience it differently. The key is awareness, full presence. And yes, I am a firm believer in meditation, I do it pretty much every day and have done a few 10-day Vipassana retreats, starting ten years ago. It sounds corny but it has changed my life in a very difficult time of my early adult years. It helped me to move on, to forgive, to love and to accept. It helped me not to judge. But it is an ongoing exercise. And I am learning that this may not be the place to talk about my own smooth experiences too much as slowing down and meditation don’t come easily to many. If I want to share with you how love, bliss and genuine beauty can enter your life through mindfulness in this or that way, I need to meet you where you are. So, don’t be shy and let me know what questions you have, what difficulties and doubts you have. So, I can address them.
Love,
Images
Photo by Luisa Brimble on Unsplash
Photo by Gaelle Marcel on Unsplash
Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash
Photo by Alice Donovan Rouse on Unsplash
