Do You Feel Guilty for not Doing Enough? 10 Ways to be Happy With Yourself Right Now

The other day, a client told me, “I just feel guilty for not doing enough”.

After we had talked about the things she had achieved over the past few years and all the countries she’s lived in, the jobs she’s had and the degrees she got, that is how she concluded, “I just feel guilty for not doing enough”.

I have to catch myself in these moments to not blurb out, but you are!

There are people who proudly call themselves overachievers or A-type personalities and thereby set an example for others.

Not being productive is bad. Being busy deserves a badge of honour.

But the overachiever trend is only one of many that will innocently run us down and toxic productivity has become a real issue.

Overachieving in itself is not a bad thing; the question is timing.

The question is if you aim to overachieve 24/7 or to overachieve 30 % of your time. In the latter case, you can spend the other 70 % of your time evaluating, reshuffling, resting, brainstorming and taking a break.

So, let’s slow down and make sure that you feel good about where you are at right now.

1. Put your non-negotiables first

Your non-negotiables are different from your values. Your personal core values are your inner compass, your personal code of conduct in this mystery that is your life.

Your non-negotiables are specific things/people/circumstances/activities that you need in order to live a happy life every day. They are the things that you don’t want to live without and you are the happiest when you do them at least a few times a week. They are very personal and unique to you.

Remember that life is not about the number of your achievements or tasks you got to check off your to-do lists. It is about how you live your life.

You can figure out your non-negotiables when you are extremely busy (without necessarily burning out). What is it that you miss then in your life? Your exercise? Your morning routine? Drawing?

I had a time when I was working around 50 - 60 hours a week in kitchens. I was tired but not burning out. And what I missed most at that time was spending time with loved ones, providing myself and my partner with good nutritious food, and reading.

Non-negotiables are not all the things we as humans need to be happy. They are not what you think you should be doing. They are what you LOVE doing – the things that light you up. Three are plenty. What are yours?

2. Set priorities

When you feel like you are not doing enough - figure out what your priorities are at work, in your career, regarding life achievements and purpose work.

I have to break it to you - you can’t do it all. At least not at the same time all the time.

What are your priorities right now? Save the rest for later. Yes, remember? There is also a “later”! There is also an “in 5 years’ time”.

If you have a business, what are your main streams of income? Which channels actually bring you income? When you work in an office, set priorities in your work there and discuss them with your manager. When you enjoy doing a lot of volunteer work - estimate on a scale from 1-10, is this a priority? Do you need to reduce your hours at work to accommodate for volunteer work and your personal non-negotiables?

The truth is that when you feel guilty about not doing enough and you have that kind of awareness, you are probably already doing enough and it is time to cut back.

3. Set and honour your boundaries

I used to get sucked into work and tinkering in the evening because I functioned by the thought “just one more thing!”. But what was the cost of that?

Well, for one, my sleep got impacted which impacted my mood and how much energy I had the next day.

So, I set myself boundaries around when I would close my laptop and when my phone would no longer send through notifications.

And how do I manage to honour this teasing boundary? By reminding myself of my non-negotiables. I use that time in the evening for reading instead. Non-negotiables are non-negotiable. Period.

I know, this is a tough one, but setting boundaries is actually not restrictive.

Setting boundaries creates urgency for the thing that you are setting boundaries for. This can create new deadlines and therefore better motivation and productivity.

On the other side of the boundary, there is room for freedom.

Boundaries allow for more space on the outside.

Set boundaries around your work hours - how many hours per week do you want to work? Set yourself a time for when you finish work at the latest or when you start the earliest. Set boundaries around phone usage. Set boundaries around where in your house electronic devices are allowed when.

4. Embrace cyclical living and working

Remember, overachieving is not a bad thing, the question is - timing.

And this is where cyclical living and working (depending on your current life) plays a role.

You are not a robot or a machine. A machine may be expected to run at all times but you are not. But hey, even your laptop needs to recharge!

Nature runs in seasons (spring - summer - autumn - winter/ rain season - dry season). Does an apple tree bring forth apples all year round? A female cycle runs in phases (menstrual - follicular - ovulation - luteal). Is she able to receive a baby every day? The moon goes through phases (new moon, half-moon, full moon). Is the moon always fully visible?

By embracing cyclical living, you respect that there is a time for brainstorming, a time for presenting and making deals, a time for putting in a lot of work and detail, a time for evaluation, a time for rest.

For this topic, I can absolutely recommend the books Do Less by Kate Northrup and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Creativity comes in phases, energy comes in phases, waves come in, well, waves.

You are doing enough, maybe you should do less.

5. Plan in time-affluence

Do less and plan in time for presence and enjoying what is.

This is important on a daily basis (sleep, slow mornings, coffee breaks, lunch breaks, slow evenings, reading a book before falling asleep - whatever that is for you) and a weekly basis (slow Friday afternoons, weekends, …).

When you plan in slots for time affluence, you create time for rest but also time for just doing nothing in particular which is according to Claudia Hammond’s research the Rest Test people’s 5th favourite activity out of all activities in order to rest.

Time affluence has also hit the movie screen with Eat Pray Love and its beautiful depiction of la dolce far niente. Try it out. It is heaven on earth.

But it needn’t be a rare occasion. Plan.it.in.

There are also other ways to create more time in your day.

6. Celebrate your achievements

YES!

You are feeling guilty for not doing enough?

Make a list of all your achievements in the area that you fear you are lacking in. Make a list of achievements of your last 10 years. Make a list of personal achievements. Financial achievements. Travel achievements. Achievements that included hurdles. Achievements that were reached with ease (read more on that here).

My friend, make a list of achievements you had today.

It is no secret that we are living in tough times. Rough times. Unique times.

Times when getting out of bed is an achievement. Going to work is an achievement. Not losing your sh@#$% when being triggered, impatient or annoyed with someone is an achievement.

Make a list. Make 50 lists. My friend, you could write 100 lists overflowing with your very own achievements.

And then celebrate. Just celebrate. Celebrate you for what is and for what you HAVE done, and let go of mourning for what you have not done YET.

7. Plan ahead

Good. Now. Once you have all of the above in place, plan ahead.

Did you figure out your non-negotiables? Make sure they happen each week at least a few times each. Is it talking to friends? Take a few moments on the weekend to plan phone dates, walk dates, movie dates, dinner dates. Is one of your non-negotiable you exercise? Plan.it.in.

What are your priorities? Make sure you meet those. Other things you also want to do, write them on a wish list for later. (Remember - there is no rush.) When you try to do everything now, life will run past you and you won’t have enjoyed the moment. Set priorities and plan for them.

Plan around your boundaries! If your boundary is to work in your business until no longer than 5 pm, make sure that your priorities fit in there. If they don’t fit, move the priority - not the boundary.

Be strong, little one.

Respect your boundary.

Tomorrow is another day.

The boundary is there to maintain your mental and physical health. No amount of achievement is worth giving this up for. Trust me.

Now, when you plan, plan in cycles. Add repeat days for slow work, repeat days for easy tasks, plan in repeat days for collaborations, presentations, plan in days for NO SOCIALISING. Plan it all in.

8. Practise self-compassion

Self-compassion is key when you feel guilty for not doing enough.

That guilt – give it compassion and kindness. That guilt wants to be seen and felt at least briefly. Give yourself compassion. Give each part of you compassion.

Do it by moving your body gently, do it by talking to yourself sweetly, do it by hugging yourself kindly. Everything is allowed.

The world needs you to be kind to yourself, not to be punishing yourself.

Self-compassion means acceptance of what is, acceptance of what you have and what you have not done/achieved, acceptance for your fear.

And acceptance does not mean complacency. Acceptance means loving awareness. You can read more in my post on Loving Kindness Meditation.

9. Think about it

Okay, let’s slow down for a moment. If you feel guilty for not doing enough, the first thing I would like to ask you is, enough for what? And this is a genuine – not a response-assuming – question. What is it that you fear you are not doing enough for? For your family? Work? Yourself? Others? Think about it. Who are you comparing yourself to?

And ask yourself:

How do I want to live my life? What do I want my legacy to be? What may I regret when I look back from my death bed (not having worked enough? Probably not.).

You can do this through journaling. It took me a while to really use journaling and I don’t do it daily, but I do it whenever I have an emotional breakthrough or urge for contemplation.

Also, take some time to challenge your belief (sweetly & kindly). Is it really true that you are not doing enough? Can you be 100 % sure that you are not doing enough?

10. Remember the bigger picture of life

Besides practising gratitude, I find that remembering the bigger picture of life – when you fear that you are not doing enough – can put things back into perspective.

I remembered this story recently:

Maybe 10 years ago my thoughts were very much occupied with my own life. My studies, my travelling, my living on a classic student poverty level (it wasn’t an issue – we just didn’t have a disposable income), a few boys, friends, strange teachers, good teachers, worries about the future, fun, parties. All of that occupied my mind the most. Makes sense. No hard feelings.

And then, one day, I was at a friend’s place. The TV was on. And it was showing a documentary about sea life. Then, the gigantic (although small on the TV) figure of a humpback whale floated through the frame. And you know what I thought?

“I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE!”

Having been entirely absorbed with my own life, I had entirely forgotten about the largest animal on this gorgeous Earth. This gigantic, peaceful looking, slow, mysterious creature that is many times as big as an adult human.

Somehow, that put things back into perspective for me.

For you, it may also be looking into the sky, watching the clouds or enjoying a starry night. Find inspiration in nature and remind yourself of how small you are and what your true simple and few responsibilities and needs are.

Let me know how you feel about these tips in the comments! Do you ever struggle with the feeling of not doing enough? Share it with me, I love hearing from you.

References & inspiration include

Art of Rest by Claudia Hammond

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Do Less by Kate Northrup